Journal Entry: Sat Jul 4, 2015, 5:11 AM
So I guess I got the news I figured I would eventually. My mom has bone cancer, on top of her crones disease, that went untreated for too long. She's got less than a year at most, but she's refusing chemo so I don't know if that'll prolong or cut short any time she has.
I found out a month or so ago, but I simply couldn't speak much about it as my aunt too has stage 4 ovarian cancer and was given less than 6 weeks. Things look bad with thee both of them and I certainly don't know how to handle it. It's really difficult.
My mom and I never saw eye to eye, and it's only now away from her that I can fully see the abuse she put myself and my siblings through in hindsight. It really sucks, I want to feel like I love her and miss her and don't want her to suffer, and yet a part of me really kind of hopes it goes quickly just to get over it.
Also my anxiety/panic attacks have become an almost daily thing, so much so that I was told that I might need to get onto disability by how crippling it feels like it's become.
I haven't drawn much of anything for the whole of time I've been off site. I miss art a lot, I miss writing a lot, I miss my Zim, Pokemon, and Homestuck friends too!
I also want to thank those of you who have sent be messages of encouragement, helped me out, or stayed in touch. I know I'm difficult to get a hold of... but I really do appreciate it.
I do kind of want to laugh at how, even going missing for months, I STILL have some sub left lol. Damn that two year deal (which I accidentally got) is just lasting forever. Oh well, I guess this was just meant to be!
If you all could do me a favor, I'd really appreciate it. I'm severely out of practice and need to keep my mind focused on good things while I prepare for the worst.
Just give me some art ideas. Characters you'd like to see from any of the fandoms I'm in (IZ,Pokemon,Homestuck), or scenarios you've wanted to see etc.
I will be working on some stuff I owe for some people that have helped me out in the meantime.
I'm gonna live. Things are just hard.
Thanks for listening.
Listening to: Ballad of the Mages~Brentafloss
Playing: Final Fantasy IX